Remembering Rachel

Rachel 16 1/2 months old

Twenty-one years ago, twin daughters, Rachel and Jessica, were born into our family. They joined our family of four—including Whitney (3), Caleb (2), my husband and me. Little did we know that Rachel’s time as a part of our family here on earth would last only a brief 17 months.

Rachel and Jessica's blessing day.

Rachel and Jessica were constant companions and did everything together.

They were the best of friends . . .

The twins first (and only) Christmas together . . . these are treasured memories.

Rachel and Jessica, celebrating their first birthdays together.

Two weeks before Rachel's accident, I had a full day planned, but had a thought that I should go and have the twins pictures taken professionally. I changed my plans for the day and took them to a nice photography studio. The pictures were scheduled to arrive in 3 weeks, but arrived early--just after Rachel died. These portraits are priceless to us and are exactly how we remember Rachel.

Rachel and Jessica 16 1/2 months old.

Jessica and Rachel, pointing to some birds flying overhead

(4 or 5 days before Rachel's accident).

The day of Rachel's funeral. (Details of her accident are posted below . . .)

Through the years, we have continued to visit Rachel's grave, where we often talk of the resurrection day when Rachel will once again be with our family (see more details below).

Whitney, Caleb, and Jessica (now college students) visiting Rachel's grave.

The day before our 6^th wedding anniversary seemed to be another typical, warm July day--much like many others, and it was drawing to a close. Our family would soon gather for supper and an evening of family time. Drew and Caleb were finishing up with washing a one-ton dump truck on the side lawn, and I had just returned from taking dinner to a neighbor who had some health challenges. Rachel was hungry, so I fed her an early supper as I finished our family's dinner preparations. Jessica sat contentedly swinging in her swing on the front porch. I had left the front door cracked open to keep an eye on her and to listen for her needs. Rachel finished her supper, and I washed her hands and set her down to play. A short few minutes later, a little neighbor friend ran to our door and told me Rachel had been run over. I ran to the door and took the whole scene in at once and screamed—immediately bringing my husband to a stop as he was backing up in our driveway. Rachel’s body lay lifeless, and I knew the damages were beyond repair and she was already dead. I called 911 and then went to my room to my knees begging the Lord to help me and to be with me—and our family--through this great tragedy, which had just occurred. I told him I had never experienced the death of someone close to me, but I knew I could not do it alone. Even as the reality of the tragedy, and it’s accompanying pain began to set in, I felt a warmth and comfort nearly as tangible as a cloak being wrapped around my shoulders, and I knew we would not be facing this trial alone.

Upon hearing my scream, Drew stopped and got out of his truck and immediately realized what had happened. He picked up Rachel’s lifeless body and held her in his arms—looking around for some kind of help as he felt his world beginning to spin. It didn't take long for neighbors and the police and ambulance to arrive. The police kindly asked if there was a private place where Drew could take Rachel away from the crowds that were gathering.

It is hard to describe the pain that comes at a time like this. I don’t think we can ever be quite prepared for these moments when life brings an unexpected tragedy. I was not aware that the human heart had the capacity to hurt at the level I was feeling. I felt pain in places I didn’t know were possible to feel.

Over the next few days, the scene would return—unbidden—to my mind and be played over and over again along with a wish that I could somehow go back and have another chance with the events of that evening. My thoughts would turn to, “if only,” and “why didn’t I,” as I wished with my whole heart that what had happened could somehow be undone. Drew was dealing with his own anguish and regrets. Through those difficult times, all we could do was hold each other and try to offer strength and comfort. Gratefully, neither of us felt or expressed blame on the other, and we were able to completely support and help each other through these first most difficult days. Family and friends were also a great strength to us as they came in a steady stream—sharing our burden through their presence and love.

I remember on the morning of the third day, I was having an especially difficult time feeling deep waves of grief. I went to find Drew who was working on a job he had promised to finish. He took me in his arms to comfort me. After holding me for a time, he pulled back, looked into my eyes, and said, “Tamra, if we truly believe all we have been taught, then we have nothing to mourn.” His words sank deeply into my heart, and I knew they were true. All we believed, all we had been taught, all we knew and understood concerning our Savior and his redeeming power truly did give us every reason and hope for a glorious resurrection and a restoration of all things—including the life of our precious Rachel.

Because of our Savior, she would rise again—never again to experience death. This separation would only be a temporary separation and then one day, we would be reunited—never to be separated again. Remembering all of God’s promises brought us hope, comfort and strength, and our spiritual eyes seemed to be opened. We could feel the reality and goodness of a merciful and loving God in a very personal way. We knew he was mindful of us and had already provided a way for Rachel to escape the grasp and the sting of death through His Son, Jesus Christ. All things were in order and in place, a price had already been paid making it possible for Rachel to live again. The great gift of our eternal marriage and family--also made possible through Jesus Christ--became even more precious to us in a new and personal way.

A few days after the accident, Drew and I felt strengthened and supported as we shared some of our thoughts and gratitude for the great and redeeming love of our Savior at our daughter’s funeral. The days and weeks that followed were filled with an emptiness of Rachel’s presence but a fullness and deepened conviction of the reality of a loving Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ.

Today, we look back on this time as a time when God taught us in a profound and personal way of his great love and goodness to each of us, his children. We continue to feel great peace and look forward with gladness to that day when we will be reunited as an eternal family. Our hearts continue to be filled with love and gratitude to the Lord for his goodness and mercy to us.

Additional notes and information:

Central to our beliefs, is that of eternal families. One of the foundational doctrines of our faith is: “The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.” View entire document: “The Family, A Proclamation to the World.”

Additional information on The Plan of Happiness, also known as The Plan of Salvation,

Additional information on LDS Temples

Additional information on resurrection

For additional general information visit Mormon.org